See You Later
I recently realized that the word “goodbye” doesn’t exist in my dictionary.
Whether it’s the sweetheart owner of my usual corner bodega or the Italian boys I once met years ago in Milan- I always say “see you later” while parting.
It may be tomorrow or a decade later, but I’m convinced that I’m bound to bump into a person again at some point. Beyond that, in today’s day and age, re-connecting with someone across the globe is as easy as a few quick clicks and FaceTime call away. I frequently catch myself repeating the phrase: “small world”- but I don’t think it’s altogether metaphorical anymore. With the way social media has been able to bridge physical distance, it really is a small world.
Living in New York has reaffirmed this belief time & time again. I’m not over-exaggerating when I say that 50% of the time I step out of my apartment, I bump into someone I know. On my run the other day, I ran past the dad of a girl who I grew up with in suburban Illinois. On a walk back from Trader Joes, I ran into Blue Eyed Boy and his roommates. Last weekend while out and about, I met a guy. After chatting a bit we realized that his family (also from Illinois) were the ones who would’ve basically paid my tuition if I chose to go to University of Illinois. Small world, huh? And, don’t forget- I’ve lived here for less than a year.
So- until now, I’ve been convinced that goodbye’s are unnecessary. Unless a person is leaving planet Earth, I’m under the impression that I’ll see them again.
However, with that mindset- I’ve also kept the door cracked the tiniest bit open with every friendship or relationship that I’ve tried to cut out of my life. The idea of abruptly up & ending a relationship with someone doesn’t sit right with me. And because of that, I never seem to completely cut people out of my mind.
Even if they’ve hurt me & even if I know I’m better off without them- I seem to leave the tiniest, smallest opening for them to wiggle their way back into my life. All because I said “see you later” and not “goodbye.”
Maybe it’s the optimist in me that believes that these people and I were a case of “right person, wrong time.” However, letting them into my life again seems to dig the knife deeper, and scar even worse than before. Sometimes, I envy individuals that are able to cut ties without flinching.
The amount of time and brain power that I’ve wasted on people that I know aren’t thinking about me is sad. And the fact that I’m admitting that online to all of you, takes more balls than you’d expect. I know that there are at least a handful of you that have experienced the same thing, and I guess I just wanted to let ya know that you’re not alone.
So why is this all coming up? Well, because a few months ago, someone from way back popped back into my life. They’re someone I probably shouldn’t have left the door cracked open for. It took me a while to muster up the balls to talk about it on here- because I know they’ve read every word I’ve ever written (and are reading this right now). So when I wrote my last blog post, I guess it was my inadvertent way of telling this person that I really miss their hugs. Going back home at the end of May, and seeing them in person blew that door open and right off the hinges- and I’ve been so knocked out of it since.
I think that’s enough of the door metaphor, but you get what I mean.
There’s a quote by Carrie Bradshaw on the front of this website which says: “Why do we let the one thing we don’t have, affect how we feel about all the things we do have?” And good god, I wish I knew the answer.
After being in a hot funk for a month and a half, I finally said my first proper “goodbye.” I also promised myself to start saying “goodbye” to people that aren’t actively positive forces in my life. If I have to question whether or not you bring out the best part of me, I no longer want you part of my life. Keep the circle small, slowly learn to not feel the fear of missing out, and enjoy moments with the people around you right now.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are rare, amazing, and the ones to reserve “see you later”s for- the rest are okay to say “goodbye” to.
